Saturday, July 11, 2009

Group Story: Sports

An agent recently wrote that there aren't enough Sports Novels. Well. We at CIC know a challenge when we hear one.

Let's do it! Let's write a Sports masterpiece. To start us off, I wonder what's happening here?

And here?

So, let's go! One Sports masterpiece coming up!


Mira said...

I'll start.

"It all started with the neighborhood baseball game.

Who knew that one game in a small suburb in the middle of nowhere could have such far reaching consequences and affect so many lives?

Not the people involved on that fateful afternoon. They had no idea."

Mira said...

Okay, alittle more.

Bubba, considered by many to be the greatest player in the history of any sport, ever, in all of time, was hiding in the suburbs under the name Bubbi.

No one had figured it out.

Rick Daley said...

Even Bubbi's striped referee's shirt could not broadcast his true identity through the thick skulls of the suburbanites. They often commented on his uncanny ability to spot every foul. He never made a wrong call, and it seemed like he could spin his head around like the girl in The Exorcist to catch any hi-jinx attempted behind his back.

Rick Daley said...

The announcer keyed his microphone, and a shrill screech of feedback preceded his request for all to rise for the national anthem.

The crowd complied, being the suburbian sheep that they were. They sang along in a dissonant drone that made Bubbi wish the feedback would come back, loud enough to burst his eardrums and spare him the auditory atrocity.

After a full reprise of the entire song, the crowd took their seats. The batter stepped up to the plate, which was unusual for a football game, but the spectators let out an enthusiastic roar anyway.

Bo said...

The cheerleaders started bouncing around, doing flips and high kicks.

Hm...very distracting.

Mira said...

And in the very top row of the bleachers, with a nice view of the cheerleaders, a reporter scribbled away.

She stopped for a moment to sigh. Hetty LaDame had been searching for Bubba for years. If only she coud find him. She needed to tell him....

Well, back to more mundane things. Including what appeared to be the creation of a new sport. Football and baseball combined! Amazing!

Hetty paused, knowing that she was about to coin a new name that would go down in History.

Base-Football? Foot-Baseball?

Neither seemed quite right...

Anonymous said...


What kind of game is this?


Maxwell said...

As long as there's a bomb somewhere. Boom!

Rick Daley said...

The explosion drew the crowd's attention away from the odd arrangement of players on the field. A burning ember came down on the reporter's note pad, burning a small hole and obliviating a sequence of letters and resulting in the word "foaseball" which she liked even though she had no clue as to how she would pronounce it.

shy said...

"October is not only a beautiful month but marks the precious yet fleeting overlap of hockey, baseball, basketball, and football."

~Jason Love

Mira said...

Bubbi glanced up from the 700 page page set of rules he was reading. The rules had been left on his doorstep. Written on the top page were the words: Or Else.

Or Else.

Bubbi figured that meant he'd better read the rules before the game. Problem is, he was a slow reader. He was on page 2. He looked both page 1 and 2 over again. Nothing there about explosions.

"Time out" he yelled. "Foul. Strike. Fumble. Bad, bad! No explosions allowed."

Anonymous said...

Foaseball? Lol.

Anonymous said...

Just then a thirty-foot long, slender–but well proportioned, if you know what I mean–snake emerged from a hole in the field.
She adjusted her baseball cap and slithered gracefully to the pitchers' mound.
She had no arguments from anyone.
Her forked tongue licked her ruby red lips.
Let's play ball, she said.

Anonymous said...

"Oh no!" whispered the crowd, dropping their popcorn boxes in the bleachers.

"Ruby Red has taken the mound," whispered Mac the CIA agent in the stands into his secret hotdog microphone.

candy said...

I know little about any kind of ballgame but I do seem to remember a photo of a guy in a striped shirt kicking dust at the shins of another man. If that is part of the game it must be filthier than suburban leaf blowers, Perhaps all the neighbors will join in until the dust cloud rises like a miniature tornado over the city and far away broadcasts will be reporting that a great uprising is occurring in the US although the government is letting out no information so far.

Anonymous said...

That's exactly what Mack the Hat (that was his code name) the CIA agent thought when he called in his info.

You must have been picking up his radio waves.

By any chance, were you eating a hotdog in section C-32?

Anonymous said...

Suddenly there was a rumbling of the ground.

Everyone turned their heads away from politics and towards the field.

Ruby Red was pounding the field with her tail as she was winding up her thirty foot snake body (and what a body, folks!)!!
The ball was in her teeth and her lips were parted in a wicked and dangerous smile.

She twisted hard into her left coil posinonsurtion and let the ball rip!

Maxwell said...

But what about the bomb?

Anonymous said...

And what about the mongoose?

Ricky said...

Morty the Mongoose waited on the fifty yard line, hoping to catch the ball and send Ruby Red back to the dugout!

Lazaro said...

He would then be able to trap her and eat her brain!

Bo said...

Or just have lusty sex with her.

Elaine 'still writing' Smith said...

As the sun baked the crowd below a small boy, who was almost invisible amongst the throng, pushed his cap back from his forehead. If anyone had taken the time to observe him closely they would have seen the jagged scar that marred the skin above one eye. The scar looked remarkably like the jagged flash of lightening.
This was no ordinary boy. He had great athletic skills that enabled him to compete in any game he had never encountered before; he wasn't half-bad at snake charming either.

Ricky said...

He can have sex with the cheerleaders after the game, Bo. In the meantime, he's out on the field and he needs to catch that ball.

Nevin said...

This is very exciting! Anyone want some peanuts?

Kalila said...

Snake-charming? Now that could be interesting. Tell us more, Elaine!

Ricky said...

If the boy charms the snake away from Morty, that's going to be a penalty. It's in Bubbi's book. Page 352, about a quarter of the way down.

Yes, Nevin, I'll take some peanuts. Do you see anyone selling beer?

Anonymous said...

The mongoose sneered. He was up to bat.

"Give me the best posinonsurtion you got!" he sneered.

Sneered was a pulp ficiton use of language, noted Bubba on page 442.

"But it's permitted under competitive circumstances?" asked the mongoose, a quisical look towrads the umpire, but still gnashing his teeth at Ruby Red.

He liked sneering. Very much.

The umpire checked his factoids and grimaced. These rules needed a set of lawyers. He consulted the flock of geese in the wings. The geese honked approval.

"Safe!" he decried.

"You mother wears army boots!" the Mongoose called out to Ruby Red, sneeringly.

Anonymous said...

"My MOTHER was a showgirl!" hissed the snake. She added more venom to her spitball and let it rip.

Anonymous said...

There were obviously some bad elements in the neighborhood.

Anonymous said...

Footnotes noted re: current neighborhood game, abstracted from the Rulebook, pages 416-442"


From Middle English sneren, to mock, alteration of Old English fn«£ran.

Related forms:
sneerer, noun
sneerful, adjective
sneer⋅ing⋅ly, adverb
sneerless, adjective

Note: preapproved by the highest order of the spitting geese.

Anonymous said...

Uluen,the Swedish commentator, objected in three of his seventeen languages.

"Da sneeren es a vert that contans
the moist of de particle," he said.

Anonymous said...

"Spitball!!!" chanted the onlookers!!!

Elaine 'still writing' Smith said...

As Ruby Red began to wind up again to release the ball at the next ususpecting and vaguely shimmery batsman, a strangely sibilant chant came from the midst of the crowd.
Red turned as the ball left her hand to thud dully on the floor near her feet. She scanned the crowd for the source of her, infrequently uttered, mother tongue.
The crowd became aware that the small dark-haired boy was chanting along with them but in a language that none of the multi-ethnic suburbanites had ever heard before.

Ganny said...

Ruby Red swung her head toward the spectators, her eyes glittering, tongue flashing. and at the same time the boy rose up from his seat, his own eyes glaring snakelike and tongue like a small protruding fork. He held a white ball in his hand and threw it with the force of a cyclone so it went right toward Ruby's pouting lips, between them and, down the long length of her once smooth body. The crowd, in deathly silence, watched its progress.

Anonymous said...

Ruby Red uncoiled her thirty-foot body and rose into the air.

She loomed over the bleachers until she spied the boy and then, slowly,
she bent down until her face was inches in front of his.

She belched and the ball popped out of her mouth and into the boy's hand.

She grinned a terrible grin and then swallowed him whole.

"Holy Mackeral!" comented Mack the Hat into hi shotdog microphone.

"SCORED!" shouted the empire, Bubba.

The mongoose was NOT amused.

Mira said...

The crowd roared their disapproval at the young boy's swallowing.

"Boo!" they said.

"Boo, Boo!" they cried.

"Boo, Boo, Boo!" they roared.

"Whoops," said Ruby Red. "My bad. It was a Boo-Boo."

Then, she burped.

It was a HUGE burp. It was the Burp of Burps. The King of All Burps.

And out popped the young boy. And the first thing he said was....

Anonymous said...


Jessie said...

"Harry?" said Bubbi/Bubba. "Harry? Could that really be you?"

Your Mother said...

Don't forget to bundle up.

No popcorn at the game, now.

Ricky said...

Bubbi pulled out his rulebook and started flipping through the pages. He was pretty sure that not only were famous snake-charming wizards not allowed to play this game, but that Red had gone out of bounds.

"Foul!" he said. But what was the penalty?

Anonymous said...

Just then, Ruby Red and Vic started rolling around in the dugout.

Anonymous said...

"Break's over!" yelled Bubba.

"In a minute," yelled Vic.

"FIVE minutes!" yelled Ruby Red.

Anonymous said...

Suddenly, it started to rain.


It was raining gumdrops.

Nevin said...

Oh, I love gumdrops!

Ricky said...

While the concession manager tried to figure out how she was going to charge for the gumdrops, Bubbi consulted his rule book. He was pretty sure the game would have to be called if it rained or hailed, but candy precipitation might be another matter altogether.

There it was on page 225. This situation called for...Extra Innings!

Mira said...

Suddenly, Heddy stood up.

"Harry, Harry is that really you?" She cried.

For a moment Bubbi and Heddy's eyes met.

While Heddy sat down with a plop, staring blankly at Bubbi and Harry, Bubbi decided to rally.

"Extra innings mean extra players! We need another batter. Harry, you're up to bat!"

Anonymous said...

Harry was put on the same team as Ruby Red.

She took him into the pit and started coaching him on batting practice.

Suddenly, shegave him a big kiss on the cheek.

"You know you are my long lost son," she said.

Anonymous said...

"Mom?" Harry asked.

Mira said...

Vic came over to the dugout.

"Harry? Is that my son, Harry?"

"Dad?" Harry asked.

"Wait," Mac spoke into the microphone, "Harry? Is that my son Harry?"

Bubbi and Heddy looked at each other.

"No! He's our Harry!!"

Ms. Fettleston said...

Oh my. Oh my goodness.

Well, this is a mess, isn't it, dears?

Perhaps we should arrange for paternity tests? Such an awkward situation.

Anonymous said...


So who is it?


Anonymous said...

It was getting hard to walk.
So many gumballs.

Anonymous said...

Yes, the gumballs were growing.
They were growling too.
These were HUNGRY gumballs!!

Anonymous said...

Ignoring the gumballs, Hettie turned to Ruby Red.

"Why did you swallow Harry whole if you're his mother?" asked Hettie.

Ruby Red hissed.

Well, if all those hotdogs hadn't given me indigestion, I was going to let Harry find the secret lightning shaped doorway on my tail. It matches the one on his forehead. He might have recognized himself in me and opened the door and just stepped out!"

Anonymous said...

"Well I have a lightning shaped scar on my, ummm," Hettie hesitated to say where.
", self,too," she said.

Anonymous said...

The mongoose was not getting enough attention!

And the gumballs were getting very agitated.

Anonymous said...

"SCORE!" yelled Mack the Hat.

Anonymous said...

Everyone turned to stare at him.

He was obviously way past his due date for retirement.

He took a bite out of his hotdog microphone and asked a man near him to pass the mustard. Grey Poupon.

Anonymous said...

This is funny.

Nevin said...

I'm afraid I'm completely lost here. More gumdrops, please.

Bo said...

I don't know what's going on, either. I'm going to take a couple of these cheerleaders and go to the nearest motel. Later!

Kalila said...

No one can leave! It's in the rule book!

Bubbi, read the relevant policy about early departure, please.

Ricky said...

Kalila, I think he's still at page three. We might be able to sneak out if we're quiet...

Mira said...

Well, I personally can't imagine a better ending than poor Harry finding all 5 of his parents, including one who swallowed him.

What a happy ending!

Anonymous said...

Except *warning warning* for the VERY hungry growling gumdrops!!!!

"Lookout Harry!" yelled Bubbi.