Friday, June 26, 2009

Character of the Week: Flower!

This week's Character of the Week is our Flower. Flower, please tell us about your world.





My name is Flower.



I don’t… I’m uncomfortable with talking much but, well, I talk here more than I do anywhere else so… that’s why I said I’d try to stick with being sociable for a bit.



The invite hurt - I don't mean to be quiet like deliberately but, my head throbs when I have to think of words to say. I can feel them in my head, and in my mouth sometimes, but I can't always make them come out (I feel them stretch behind my temples - like lines of pain - weird). Sometimes people here are just so happy I have to squint so I can read the words and follow. I've done the banging my head on the floor bit and I don't want to go back to it - hurting on the outside might be easier to deal with but it hurts too. I did talking before - can't imagine what I spent all day saying but I know I used to do that.



Anyway, I live in a place with grass, water, gorse bushes and heather. I see more golden eagles here than people.



My Great Uncle Will is my f-amily now… since – but, well – whatever.



There’s only one other croft I can see from our cottage: James and Sam’s Dad – that’s Tom - lives there with Egg’s (Edward) Dad – that’s John - and the boys. The brothers won’t shut up and the other makes me sound talkative. I’m supposed to home school there. Egg ‘draws’ – but I don’t think it’s educational to graffiti. The other two live to learn – most of the time I don’t want to do either.



I reached 16 a while ago – not a celebration – not something I wanted to do – it happened anyway – that’s time for you.



I had two friends I would have tried to walk on water, or through fire, for – they crossed over the road when they saw me after my Mum d – did that thing.



I have trouble with the dark – it was dark that evening when the car that was overtaking her thought better of it and ploughed my Mum’s car into a tree. She didn’t d__ right then – she made time to send me messages on her mobile. I got them next morning at Joy’s (the fosters - not literally, The Fosters – but you know). There was the dinner text that she must have sent before she left work, and the two with shit spelling that said the other stuff – I can’t even think of the words to explain what I did then.



I don’t eat or sleep – and I definitely avoid doing the two later in the day – I dream bad dreams of Mum being gone but worse ones when I think she’s still with me – I wake up vomitting – and no it isn’t my idea of a good idea.



My Mum was sharp-smart, funny, energetic, loving, strict and moral (I was going to mention messy – but that’s not a quality) - she called me Petal for short!



I had to think of things for discussion so –



What would you say are your best and worst qualities?



How can you survive the unsurvivable?


(Note: this is an everybody post.)


114 comments:

DESTINY said...

Flower.

A difficult road, but a rewarding one.

You are destined for blessing ere the end.

Do not falter. It is your Destiny.

Anonymous said...

What a difficult 16 years, Flower. How do you survive the unsurvivable?

FLOWER said...

Reward? This is my reward? Thanks! If this is my reward I don't want to see my punishment.

shy said...

'The violets in the mountains have broken the rocks.'

~Tennessee Williams

FLOWER said...

How have I survived, Anon 6:40am ?
By being a coward.

DESTINY said...

Flower.

Not yet.

In the most difficult path, you are given the most rewarding gifts.

Do not despair. That is not your Destiny.

Nevin said...

Please be brave, Flower! I just know something wonderful will happen for you. Would you like to go for a walk together sometime?

Scruffy said...

Wag, wag, wag, wag, wag, wag

Bark!

FLOWER said...

Flower Dispair Misery Anger Hatred Kavanaugh - that's my name!!
It was Flower Smug Self-satisfied Selfish Snidey Kavanaugh
Haven't I grown!

Anonymous said...

Hi Flower, what do you look like?

Anonymous said...

What do you mean a coward? You sound brave to me.

FLOWER said...

Yo Nevin

If I didn't have space to walk and no-one much around to hate - and a weird sense of direction that means I keep finding my way back here I don't know where I'd be - hey Flower makes joke - jokes!

FLOWER said...

Anon at 6:54

All so obsessed with looks - that was the before.

I cut my hair short - bit of a mistake - but I really couldn't help myself - first vist back to the old house that I remember after.

I'm working on disappearing - sideways on.

FLOWER said...

Anon 6:55
If I wasn't such a coward I'd be answering some ultimate questions round about now.

Aidan said...

Hey Flower,
Our mom died, too--me and Kaelin's.

I'm not sure how we cope. For me, well, Jason and Marc don't really give you time to think much when they're around. And their mother is dead too, executed for treason. So they kind of know what it's like. I don't have to explain stuff to them. They just know.

Kaelin, though. He's different. Cold. He takes things in and holds them in a little knot in his stomach. I can feel it sometimes as I'm going to sleep.

I don't know what's right, ignoring it or using it to make yourself tougher.

But you don't have to explain it to me. I just know, too.

FLOWER said...

Anon 6:40

How do I survive the unsurvivable? I don't think I am - I didn't - I'm just not surviving slowly.

FLOWER said...

Hey Aidan
You and Kaelin and the others are nearly here?

That's how it feel.

But did your Mum know? Did she make choices about what she did and where she ended up?

Julian said...

Ah sweet child,

I won't tell you losses make us stronger. They don't. They chip away at us. But they teach us to work with less, a strength in itself.

FLOWER said...

Will's on my case - walking time here.
Plodding for a bit - or forever or 'til I walk off, or under, something.

No traffic? No cliffs?

We should move

Aidan said...

Um, Uncle Julian...

gulp.

Julian said...

Carry on, young one. Just be wary.

Candy said...

Gosh, Flower, what you went through was awful! I feel really sad for you. I think you care about Egg? Perhaps if you let yourself love someone else - look after something or someone who needs you. Even an animal. Force yourself to think of someone other than yourself.

Or change into someone different. Get a new name and turn Goth or something. Lose that crippled girl you are now.

I know, I'm a fine one to talk. Don't get mad at me.When I get really scared I pretend I'm someone else. Hasn't given me the guts to walk into the Empress dining room though...Must try..

Aidan said...

We are here, Flower, I guess. I haven't changed in a long time so I guess this is it.

My mom knew. She was possessed by the demon Maliquium and sacrificed herself for me. He made her shoot my dad--he let her do it, but I don't know why--and he made her shoot Kaelin. He almost made me kill my mom.

For a long time I couldn't think of her at all. The whole world was sort grey and muffled. Really quiet. I thought maybe he'd somehow taken my Sight. But then I started feeling stuff again--mostly others' feelings like I do, and I could hear the enemy.

FLOWER said...

Hey Julian

You made Aidan jump!

I came back once Will went out cos you said I'm sweet - I don't even know sweet.

I'm the, whatever things are when they aren't sweet - it's not sour - that's just for mouths! Do you get self poisonous?

FLOWER said...

Egg's a git!

So stupid he can't get from here to anywhere else without ripping holes in something - usually himself.

Maybe he thnks scabs are like tatoos you have to keep re-applying

FLOWER said...

Candy - you having a go?
You think I'm crippled?
You beat the heck out of the people who smile at me with that smarmy - nicey nicey - stroking smile though.

flower said...

I should go back to my cupboard - it's like - bad - typing stuff.
I do this in my head not out loud - is this out loud? I guess it is. sorry

Ginger said...

The only way to survive the unsurviveable is to hold on to God, Flower.

One of my favorite songs.. well, not my favorite because I always get choked up when I hear it... but the truest songs is "Held" by Natalie Grant. The lyrics go like this:


Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and why should we
be saved
From nightmares
We're asking why this happens, to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred
Is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is
To be loved and to know
That the Promise was
When everything fell
We'd be held

If hope is born of
suffering
If this is only the
beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Waiting for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred
Is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is
To be loved and to know
That the Promise was
When everything fell
We'd be held


You are loved and held, Flower, even if you don't know it yet. One of these days that cocoon of suffering you are wrapped up in will start to crack a little and let in some light. Then a little more and a little more, and one day you will discover that the sun is warm and the sky is blue.

Little by little you will heal, Flower. I swear you will. Just hold on, and have faith. In those quiet moments alone in your room, with the sorrow pressing on you like the weight of the whole atmosphere so that you can't breathe... reach out. Ask. Pray.

He will be there, I promise.

I wish I could hold you now, little one.

Anonymous said...

Hi Flower

That's a lot, what you said.

You want to come over sometime? We could hang out.

Shadow


Hi Candy

Shadow

Flower said...

Shadow

I don't think I'm - good to be around.

You're better off with your - people.

How are you doing with getting on?

I'm not saying I wouldn't come - be tricky though.

FLOWER said...

Ginger

This world is small right?
The Universe is like some ballon that is being blown up and getting bigger and it's bigger than the pain in my head so ...

I did housework, and things involving eating on Sundays... before.

Got arrested for Wilful Damage on this subject before.

FLOWER said...

The arrest bit was after really - after - but before now.

Ginger said...

Flower, I can tell you have a lot weighing on you, and that sometimes you do things to relieve the pressure.

I know a little bit how you feel. After Scott died I was so torn. A part of me was absolutely horrified, a part of me was relieved and I felt so guilty for that, and part of me felt like all my innocent dreams of marriage and a future togther... that one day Everything Would Work Out... and maybe I'd even have kids... had just died in that car with him. I was a bloody wreck for a long time.

I think I'm starting to be a person again. A different person than I used to be, but stronger and more real.

I'm praying you will feel that way, too.

What is your croft like? Is it bare, or pretty? I used to watch "Monarch of the Glen" on BBC and also "Hamish McBeth." I've read the Hamish mysteries, too, and I've always wanted to visit Scotland.

I would love to visit castles there. I've heard Enya lives in a castle in Scotland. I love her music. Do you listen to it?

Ricky said...

Things get better if you don't dwell too much on the past and turn your focus toward the future, Flower. When I lost my father, I lost a big part of my world. But he always supported my dreams and I knew if I didn't keep moving toward those dreams, I'd be betraying his memory.

What are your dreams and ambitions? Think about achieving your goals as a gift to your mom, so she'll be proud of you wherever she is now.

Kalila said...

That's very inspirational, Ricky.

Vic said...

It's also nonsense.

Flower, work hard to become great for your own sake, not for whoever might be dead or not. The world isn't going to do you any favors, so you need to do those favors for yourself.

Nevin said...

Vic, why must you be so negative?

Flower, the world is full of lovely, kind people who only want the best for you. Please try to be cheerful.

Marenya said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ginger said...

Flower, regarding eating: There is nothing like carbohydrates and a nice pot of tea. You can pick your carbs: scones, cookies, blueberry bread, cucumber sandwiches, shortbread, carrot cake... you name it. But the carbs definitely help.

And chocolate.

I'm a big fan of dark chocolate. Does wonders for the mood.
Try it. Don't think of it as food. Think of it as medicine for the soul.

Kaelin said...

Kaelin

I don't know about cold, but the only thing that relieves my anger at what Maliquium did is violence.

But we're demons, not people. So I doubt that's right for you, Flower.

Kaelin said...

sorry, I meant to say "Kaelin here."

Gabby said...

This is me,Gabby, I get on fine without talking, I could speak if I wanted but I don't want. Do you like making everyone around you miserable? Maybe they'd be better off if you ran away and joined a gang. You'd like that - everyone else'd be as nasty as you and you could let it all out by doing bad stuff. At least you could turn your anger outward and not hurt yourself.

I fought my way up to lead the the most feared gang in New York and I'm warlord here.It's all I have and noone's ever going to take it away from me except over my dead body.

FLOWER said...

Hey Ginger

Will's stressing over a nest site - gone for a bit.

When your partner d- was in the car thing - you did well to come back - that's like - hard to do.

The thing about caring is it's too difficult - you'd never know if bad stuff would happen again.

Don't risk it - nothing would be like what you had before.

Anonymous said...

Hi Flower

Okay. Come over. We can watch a movie. I have the first Transformers. My mom will make popcorn.

Shadow

Hi Aidan, Hi Mark

Shadow

FLOWER said...

The house is white - and rented tidy.

There is one bed room on the ground floor - mine.
They squashed another in the roof space - that's Will's it's bigger but up a ladder thing.
I don't know where the Scots TV stuff was set.

FLOWER said...

MUSIC - harder

I liked Enter - that's Enter Shikari.

Ear phones were needed - by anyone else - when I played their stuff.

I wanted to see them live more than anything - before - realy before.

Flower said...

Ricky

Dreams - lets not go there. A good night is when I don't have any I remember.

Being... being - something.

Ambitions?

I didn't have any - I don't want any why find more ways to ... whatever.

I'm not great - I can't be me - I'm small - inside.

FLOWER said...

Ginger have you been talking to Will?

I get colour co-ordinated balanced eating sh-- with berries and macro - whatever things all the time.

One of the head doctors gave Will a 'cook' book - it out Jamies that Jamie Oliver bloke.

Food is just a pain - in the every where.

FLOWER said...

Gabby you are so ... much.

I'm exhausted - just moving and getting to the house of school is more than I can do.

FLOWER said...

Shadow

Really? You're going to Transformers tonight?

Sam, Jam and Scrambled are so going this evening too.

I'm home.

Anonymous said...

Hi Flower

No. I have the first on DVD. I don't go to movies.

Want to come watch? You don't have to though.

I've never had a girl come over. It's okay if you don't want to.

Shadow

Aidan said...

Hey Flower,

You should visit Shadow. He's a good guy and he's not going to talk your ear off. It's kind of peaceful being around him, even though he's thinking lots of stuff.

Flower said...

Shadow
I do some DVD watching - I never get to any endings.

I need to learn how to sleep the beginnings... would that count as a super power?

Do you know why you have mirror troubles? No hair gel in the mornings?

Ms. Fettleston said...

Dear Ms. Flower,

Good morning, dear.

I am so sorry, my dear, that life has been so hard for you. And you are so young. My heart goes out to you, my dear.

I do see that it is difficult at times for you to talk with us. I am so pleased that you try, Ms. Flower. Life sends many very difficult challenges, but it also can send us many wonderful friends who care for us in our times of trouble. I am so glad that you allow us to do so for you, dear.

Would you like to come over for tea sometime, Ms. Flower? Perhaps you could come on Sunday morning, and attend Church services with me some weekend. No matter how difficult things are, we can find comfort and strength in the Love that is always there for us.

Do have a lovely day today, Ms. Flower.

Sincerely,

Ms. Fettleston

Anonymous said...

Hi Aidan

Thanks.

You want to come over too? Not the same time as Flower.

Have you seen Transformers?

Shadow

Anonymous said...

Hi Flower

I don't use hair gel.

I don't have a super power, but that would be cool.

Shadow

FLOWER said...

If I was going anywhere it would be to see you lot - you have the same kind of Mum trouble.

Do you live in fear? With fear? Or have you got things sorted so you don't feel in danger all the time?

I'm quiet really - I only yell here - with the words in my head and my finger tips. I find Sam and James easier 'cos they talk rubbish all the time - I don't - it all goes over my head.

I find the quiet harder just in case something gets said... I just realised that ... that's why I put on stuff everywhere - right.

FLOWER said...

Hey Miss Fettleston

Glad you are keeping well. You have always said kind things.

Do you really think life sets challenges like homework? Isn't that a bit cr.. unkind? I didn't do nothing I was just being ordinary and being at school.
Can we not have before again?

Aidan said...

Shadow,
I'd come over anytime, bro. But I don't watch TV or films. We can do this thing where we slow our perceptions and it's made it kind of tough to watch TV will all the pauses between frames.

But we could listen to music or I could teach you some hand-to-hand or something.

FLOWER said...

Aidan
You do your own slow-mo for TV? Not music? That is so the wrong way around.

I got art 'syrupy' with Gloria who made notes when I looked like I was going to pick up pens.
You and Kaelin and Gabby and now even Shadown get to hit stuff?

Aidan said...

We hit stuff all the time. Training. Kaelin's even training with a real sword for fun--an old gladius Uncle Julian came up with.

We are at war, though. It's not like we want to train like that.

Anonymous said...

Aidan,

Cool. Would you really teach me hand to hand?

Cool!

When can you come over?

Shadow

flower said...

War and fighting doesn't sound the way learning to do fighting does.

Are you afraid of what would come out if you were like really fighting?

Candy said...

Shadow, you don't need to fight. Just be sweet and everyone will love you. Even girls, in time.

Anonymous said...

Hi Flower

No. Nothing would come out.

When do you want to come over?

Shadow

FLOWER said...

I want to visit in the summer when the students are due here. That is like soon now - couple of weeks.

Where are you - it's hot there?
It's not windy?

Anonymous said...

Hi Flower,

That's cool. Summer is cool. Maybe I'll have the second Transformers by then.

Anytime is cool.

I live in L.A. We have air conditioning.

Anonymous said...

Hi

That was me, Shadow

Anonymous said...

Hi Candy

Um.

It's good for a guy to know how. To fight. You know.

Shadow

Anonymous said...

Flower, where do you live? Is it pretty?

Ms. Fettleston said...

Dear Ms. Flower,

No, dear. I do not think life sets up challenges like homework. I do not understand why a lovely young woman such as yourself has to endure terrible hardships.

I'm afraid that we just need to do the best that we can, dear, and know that we are not alone in doing so.

I do think that you are very brave, Ms. Flower, no matter how you describe yourself, dear.

Sincerely,

Ms. Fettleston

Maxwell said...

Flower -

You want come over? You help me make bomb. Cheer you up. We blow lots of things up. Boom, boom.

FLOWER said...

Hi Anon

It is wide and endless.
It is quite purply and brown and hilly and rocky and hard. It isn't far from the sea.
There are steep hills with some trees close by and streams. They are not all fast streams though.

Anonymous said...

That's lovely.

Do you go for long walks?

FLOWER said...

Maxwell why that kind of thing?
I don't think I'm sad. Sad is tears and stuff.

FLOWER said...

Will has made a timetable - one of the things is walking.
I try to walk in straight lines and see how far I can go before I have to go back - I end up back.

Maxwell said...

Flower -

No, not sad. Angry. Very good, satisfying. Boom! You come, I'll show you.

Kaelin said...

It's good for everyone to know how to fight, Shadow. And I'll come over and teach you. Aidan's all right, but I'm better.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kaelin,

Okay.

Flower, you want to come? Learn how to fight? You're a girl, but girls can fight too.

Shadow

FLOWER said...

Maxwell
You and Sam are much the same - do you do anthing but plan bombs?

Anonymous said...

Do you have any pets that can go on walks with you?

Aidan said...

Flower,

Kaelin was afraid of what came out when he fights, but it just does and there's nothing he can do about it. So now he uses it.

I'm usually not scared until after. Then I tend to throw up or just feel sick. I can feel when people die. They always go right through me. It's worse when you do it yourself.

But fighting is like breathing for rangers. We have to do it.

Jason said...

Flower, what's one thing you like to do?

Maxwell said...

Flower -

Yes. I work with acid and chemicals. I am learning about DNA. Someday, I clone. I clone people to carry bombs. They go to houses of people who pick on me. They go boom!

flower said...

Shadow and Kaelin and Aidan

Hitting stuff - not hurting stuff except maybe Tasha 'plastic'.

I'm afraid of what would come out when I hit.

Mira said...

Oh I totally forgot. Authors can post here too.

Great character of the week, Flower.

It's making my heart break, but also warm with the support you are getting.

Mira said...

Oh, since I'm here. Flower, what comforts you?

FLOWER said...

Jason

Like? Now I like noise - sounds with no gaps
And some parts of day

That's two but I couldn't pick.

Flower said...

Mira

Hey

I think I get comforted by knowing - all the time - what and where and whatever.

FLOWER said...

There was a pet question

I've never had one - asthma - not me.

Uncle Will doesn't have pets - he - I think - I don't remember but he said something about animals.

Small ones are scary - all moving and scrabbling - Chels had rat things.

Flower said...

It's dark here now.
Will lit my candles before he went to bed - faked sleep for a bit.

flower said...

Talking is strange.

It is like wasted air or a window into your mind.
There's a lot of grey halves inbetween there too.

Jason said...

It's just you remind me of Aidan that way. He puts his headphones on and plays loud music to block out all the noise from everyone else.

FLOWER said...

Jason

Aidan tries to make sure he can't hear thoughts? Can he never turn them off? They get in at him all the time?

That sounds like hell.

Kalila said...

Flower, would you like to come to our show tonight? Ricky will stay with you the whole time and make sure you're safe.

Ricky said...

I will? Thanks for volunteering my services, Kalila.

Flower, forget what she said. I'm personally offering to make sure you're on the guest list and that you feel safe at all times if you want to stop by tonight. I think it would do you good to get out of the house and have some fun.

Flower said...

You'd have your work cut out keeping me safe... what with the range of beings you have around you there.
Is the band loud like techno or quiet musical - they've got to make it big so they must be quite safe?

Ricky said...

The band is pretty loud, but the acoustics at this particular venue are good, so it won't be so loud you can't enjoy the music.

I'll put your name on the guest list, just in case you decide you want to come.

Flower said...

I would so nearly want to.

Loud is good.

Thanks for saying I could

Aidan said...

Yes. I can hear thoughts all the time. I don't have enough control to block them yet. So yeah, loud music is good.

It's not hell. But it's noisy...

FLOWER said...

How can you - can you learn to block out the thoughts?

I can't learn to talk - when I want to or when I need to.

The students are coming.
I want to move down to Sam and James and Egg's - when they get here. But I'll have to talk some there - and I won't know anything - they'll try to... try alot.

I'll need to able to say things joined up!

Aidan said...

I don't have any idea how I'm supposed to block them. My dad knew, and my grandfather, supposedly.


Don't worry about talking so much, Petal. Just listen for now.

Can I call you Petal?

Flower said...

Hey Aidan

Candy said to try to be someone else but me is all I've got.

Being Petal is harder - that was a best times name - this isn't even a good time.

Flo - like water - only ever shouted - is ok

Ed said...

Still there Flower?

FLOWER said...

Egg?
Give us a break, Egg.

Ed said...

Your lights are still on - so I worried.

FLOWER said...

Egg

Go to sleep or whatever.

Egg said...

Flower
I won't sleep tonight.
Mum's arriving in the morning.
She thinks I'm going back with her.
I'd have to be dead first.

FLOWER said...

You're speaking? Weird!

ED said...

Flower

I always speak - like the man says you need to listen.

Flower said...

Ricky did you do this already? You've got a hard job with that band

You've got man/wolves over there - does their Alpha or whatever speak enough to represent his pack? They are raw!

I gotta gotta -

It'll be 4am by the time my teeth are done - Egg's put his light out - Will would lose his patience if he catches me up.

Writing words and listening then.

Christine H said...

Elaine, that was awesome. Kudos!

Yes, I can see why she is such a tough character to write. Thanks so much for doing that.

Elaine 'still writing' Smith said...

Christine

She is hard because she says so little. She keeps a running count - how many words she says aloud compared to the non-stop loops that go on in her head.
Uncle Will is the key - she could so easily be vicious and vindictive and she has the perfect target down the road to work on - he has been the true victim all his life.
Flower is passive aggressive at this point in the story.
She sees how to exploit Ed's weaknesses and Will's too. Flower's struggle is to keep the anger self-directed.

Mira said...

Not to interrupt the discussion at all, but a quick introjection.

Thank you so much, Flower, for doing this. I know it wasn't easy for you.

Ed, truly nice to meet you. Welcome to the site.

Flower, I think you may have formed a bond with a few people here. Especially one of the band members. It was nice to watch.

Flower has chosen Rickey for next week's Character of the Week. If Rickey's author could contact me, I'd appreciate it.

Thanks, Flower.