We’ve created lots of group stories at CIC – from mysteries to science fiction – but surprisingly, we’ve never collaborated on a horror comedy. You know the sort I mean – stories with laughs as well as scares (or, at the very least, freak shows) – in the vein of The Rocky Horror Picture Show or the recently released Zombieland. Given all the, uh, interesting characters that frolic here, it’s a wonder such a story has yet to be told.With only ten days to All Hallows’ Eve, it seems the perfect time to give it a go – so, let’s do it already!
Although I might regret this by tomorrow, I don’t want to put any limitations on our horror comedy, so feel free to be as silly or as gross as you like – as long as you mind the official CIC site guidelines. At this point, the story is wide open, so you’re welcome to include vampires, zombies, fairies, goblins, trolls, werewolves, djins...
undead brides...
murderous pimp daddies...
even coyote skeletons that make sea coconuts ogle in fear.
Authors, characters, and lurkers, too – keep the laughs and scares coming! And maybe, just maybe, we’ll create a horror comedy that’s never quite existed before.
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It was a dark and stormy night. A shot rang out.
A maid screamed.
"The cupcakes are ready!"
(That was what she screamed.)
Has someone been shot? I should get my medicine bag... mmm, cupcakes. Thanks, don't mind if I do.
However did you know I liked red velvet cupcakes! Wow, that man's chest matches the color of these wonderful cup--
Oh, my god, someone HAS been shot! Quick, Michael. Check him out!
I feel like I've stumbled into a murder mystery game.
Oh, not to worry. He's definitely dead - whoever he was - shot once in the chest.... but he appears to be a zombie.
Wait, aren't zombies supposed to be shot in the head?
Michael, watch out! He seems to be moving! Quick, somebody shoot him again!
Now, I feel like I've stumbled into a SIMPSONS' "Treehouse of Horror" episode...
Since when do you know anything about television?
Dad! What are you doing here?
There's nothing wrong with zombies!
We should befriend the zombie. Zombies don't eat cupcakes, which means more for us!
Good point, Nevin. Perhaps I shouldn't have been so rash. But then again, not all zombies are as articulate as Lazaro.
I hear footsteps - heavy dragging footsteps - closer - closer. And the smell of decaying flesh - Ugh!
"G-e-o-r- ge" The voice is like a creaking door and although the dainty yellow frock at first gives the illusion of a young girl, inside it there is something horrible..
"M-y-rtle!." The Zombie on the floor is rising, arms raised to greet his love.
OH, Oh. One arm has fallen off and his grin is sliding down his chin.
What is a cupcake? What is a zombie? How can a shot "ring out?" Do your people put bells on their arrows?
I'm afraid I don't understand this at all.
Wonderful, Candy! Just the kind of funny-gross scene I was hoping for!
Sorry, Marenya, that our little zombie tale is confusing you... hmm... how to answer your questions from the road (where I presently am)? Um, a cupcake is a small pastry, usually baked in multiples of six. They can be made of all sorts of delicious flavors - from chocolate to coconut - and are usually covered in frosting, sprinkles, or other scrumptious confections. As for a zombie, have you never encountered the flesh-eating Lazaro at CIC before?
I was not aware that his body parts, er, moved around the surface of his skeleton.
I tend to ignore him, actually. All I know is that he eats brains.
My author says that the word verification for this post is "scaries."
Huh? I'm afraid now you've confused me, Marenya. Somebody, help us! Does Lazaro have body parts moving on the surface of his skeleton?
By "flesh-eating," I meant that he dines on humans - brains and other parts, I'd imagine. But what do I know that I haven't learned from the movies?
"...his arm is falling off and his grin is sliding off his chin."
I thought that meant that his face was sliding off his skull? Does it not?
The zombie's body parts seem to be moveable.
Oh, yes, that particular zombie seems to be falling apart... but I always had the impression that Lazaro was rather intact. How else could he be in a rock band?
I actually thought the zombie reunion was sweet... besides, it distracted them from the living bodies in the room.
Oh, my goodness! Was that another shot? Who's armed in this house? Are we being inundated with zombies? No offense to Lazaro, but I think it's time to get outta here.
Quick, Michael, grab the cupcakes - Buddy would sure appreciate one.
Before the cupcakes could be taken by dog or human, the Zombie, Myrtle, scooped them up. "They will be our wedding feast," she creaked , her jaws like unoiled hinges."George, come and eat. They will give you strength and then we can have the main course."
They stood, hand in slithery hand, their eyes rolling in bloody sockets as they looked hungrily at the humans in the room. Boom. Boom. " Here come the others." George gurgled."Ha, someones trying to stop them with a gun. Ha, Ha. They'll learn. I am so hungry. Must we wait?" Drool covered his front like frog spit.
Yep, definitely our exit cue. Let's head for the back door.
Hey, uh, Dr. Harper? Could Indy and I go with you two?
Heck, yeah, let's go now, honey, while the getting's good.
Lazaro, where's your brains, man?
Quick, shove a few cupcakes under his chin to steady it. He's trying to tell us who shot at him, and the heck they couldn't just mind their own business.
Here's a couple more cupcakes - see how the goopy frosting molds his lips.
I think he's about to speak.
That's not Lazaro, Cal. That's George - and I think it's high time we got outta here. No offense, but I don't care what he's got to say. Myrtle made it clear, through gargly zombie speak, that we're the main course.
Now, where'd the Harpers go?
Psst. We're down here, Laura! In the basement.
We tried to get out through the back door, but there are zombies everywhere, stumbling across the backyard, swarming the porch. One of 'em even looked like an undead bride - like something out of a Tim Burton movie.
Nutmeg and Indigo are down here with us. Come quick! We can't keep the door open long...
Thanks, Liv. Can Cal come, too?
Sure thing. Might as well be trapped in fear together.
That's a cheery thought, honey.
Well, it's been a couple hours... and things have only gotten worse.
Is it just me, or have the moans outside loudened?
No, Indy, it's not just you.
Remind me again why we decided to join this particular CIC party.
Hey, what's that? More shooting? Maybe some help has arrived.
Alright, that's it. I'm sick of sitting here, waiting for someone to save us. Let's grab those shovels in the corner and help kick some zombie butt. (Sorry, Lazaro.)
I'm with you, Michael. I'm no fan of sitting around either. We have to control our own destiny.
Okay, I got my shovel. I'm ready to go.
I'm ready, too. Though I admit I'm a little nervous...
I'm only glad the kids aren't here.
Say, has anybody seen that maid? She's been gone a while. Hope she's okay.
Forget that. Has anybody seen my dad? He was here earlier. Before the zombie reunion, that is.
Just then, the sheriff burst into the room, his shotgun spraying the zombies with thousands of tiny, lethal, hot metal balls.
"Take that, you zombies!" he cried.
Their semi-decomposed bodies fell apart like autumn leaves torn from their branches in a strong wind.
Stepping over the mess, he looked around for the maid.
"Where's Mildred? She called me for help, but the line went dead. I must find her! She's type O - the vampire's favorite. I must get to her before he does."
(Cal's been keeping the zombies from the door - he loves playing with his guns.
But when the cops arrived he booked outa there - never know when one might recognize him, even in all the distraction.)
Phew. I've never been so happy to see the cops before... (It's only too bad that Cal had to flee - wonder what that was all about.)
Let's help the sheriff look for poor Mildred.
Wait, did he say vampire? I sure hope it's not Vic or Charles... I'd hate to watch people getting drained by vampires I know. It's rather disconcerting.
Found her! She was holed up in the attic. Pretty shaken up - but I didn't notice any bite marks.
Holed up in the attic? Hehe. Like that balloon boy from last week. Maybe someone told her this was a reality show stunt.
This is no time for jokes, honey. Let's get Mildred downstairs - she looks dehydrated.
Hey, has anyone seen my dad?
Here I am! I was hunkered down in the kitchen, peeking out the window. Thought maybe I'd see your mother among the undead.
Um, what? You wanna run that by me again?
*shrugs*
I just thought, if she were here, you could stop looking for her... and maybe, uh, come back home.
Now? You pick now to talk about this? We were running for our lives from zombies... and now there's a vampire on the loose, and you want to talk about me coming home?
Well, perhaps, it is a bad time to talk about such things. Can't help it if I miss you.
Hey, who's this?
Uh, well, this is my boyfriend, Indigo Cypress.
(Talk about bad timing.)
Nice to meet you, sir.
O is Vic's favorite.
I'm O. I stay away.
Sorry guys; I didn't mean to abandon you. The cops you know(shudders).
They may be bad news for me, but I figured they'd be good enough to protect you, however, so making a quick get away seemed the best course.
I'm O pos also, but can't let a minor detail get in the way of saving my new friends.
So now what?
Now, Cal, we go have a drink... and celebrate our salvation from the zombies. Let's just hope no vampires show up at the bar!
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